"“Why?”… This is the question I have to answer to myself. Why do I really want to blog? I have felt complete without a blog until this day. So, why now? Maybe I am just looking for a new toy to curb my appetite for a while and then throw aside. First Facebook then twitter, 100 gram LinkedIn, and some other platforms that I am hiding in plain sight ….Maybe I am simply looking for a new medium to explore; just a new way of BEING.
I was telling my mom about my new year resolutions and that’s how the blogging conversation came up. She is not a media addict of any form like many of us are. I explained her what a blog is and its format. While telling her, my words sounded flat even to myself. With a smirk on her face that I know since the early days of my childhood, she looked at my face and said in a voice pretending to be naive: “So, it is like talking to yourself.” I wish she didn't see through things this clearly. I wish she didn't know my hand going to my neck when I feel anxious, the sorrow at the tip of my lower lip, or my pulsing eye when I try to hide something from her. My mom exposing me ...repeatedly... definitely a story for another post. About the blogging, she was right. As usual! When your mom is an attorney, you have to get used to her being right! ( I definitely developed some offensive strategies tough) :sigh: Maybe we started to be engaged in self conversations. Maybe we are scared that we will accidentally make people uncomfortable or intrude their lives if we address them personally. So we tell our part of the story and throw it in this endless abyss of words, texts, and noise. With this blog I contribute to that entropy as well.
I always thought that blogging has somehow replaced the diary or scrap booking practice. I have never had a diary in my entire life. I used to scrapbook around middle school for a short while but was not keen on that either. I guess, I wasn’t one of those people who wanted to make everything tangible on a notebook page in print or on a photo shoot filtered through a camera lens. I have always thought that these type of efforts are aimed at stopping the time or make life more tangible. The meaning of life for me is not in these frozen and constructed moments but more in between them and definitely not 42. While you are trying to adjust the camera to take the photo of fireworks or writing about life, the life itself parades in front of you.
Another reason I don’t want to distribute my thoughts across the Net is the pace that my intellectual capital is evolving. What I think now and what I might think two weeks later about a particular subject might conflict. So along this journey, I keep my right to be in conflict with myself. That doesn’t mean I am wishy washy. I have a very strong spine. Sometimes stronger than necessary. I have strong and rooted positions, perspectives, and sensitivities on several topics. But more I learn, more I realize how less I know. I want to be the student of life as much as I can afford. The thirst and curiosity of knowing more changes me… deconstructs me and reconstructs me over and over. After these small metamorphoses, I look back and I feel proud of myself and of my growing and adapting ability.
Aside from the idea of blogging, I am also confused about the possible contents of my blog. I don’t want this to be the nth chapter of my dissertation. But I don’t want it to be the perfect opportunity for my cynical and critical political self to whine. I hardly talk about my personal life on the Net or in any other public place for the truth of the matter. So, that’s left out, too. Memories…..NO! I have some memories that I am too jealous to share and tell even to myself. I keep them at the dearest part of my memory and only bring out at certain times with care. I feel like they will get less if I put them into words…I keep the memory of smells, whispers, heartbreaks, stomach cramps, kisses, tears, winks, smiles, laughters, and stares that I cannot and, above all, do not want to share with anyone. So , I am really stuck as to what to tell here. I go back to square one….If I don’t know what to say, why do I want to blog? Gelin ata binmiş ya nasip! (A Turkish idiom. The ones who know the meaning of the idiom should explain to the ones who don’t )
So I take it easy…. I will write when I want, what I want about…. Maybe I will delete them on the way. That’s probably why I named my blog “Printed on the Water”. I thought about the title for a while. Coupled with my love for water, I like the idea of writing on the water. Sharing it with water and letting it adopt everything you have written. I don’t think what I will say is too serious to be written in stone and to be kept permanently. I am aware that I am just a very small part of this endless social construction.
I think my biggest motivation for writing anything expressive is driven by my itches. My statuses, my tweets, and even my dissertation are all products of my itches and brain itches… of the ones I can scratch and the ones I cannot. Brain itches…unfortunately I had too many of those as well. Throughout my life, I have suffered from an overworking brain as much as I have benefited from it. So I sometimes question whether having a working mind is a gift or a curse. This blog might be a way to scratch these brain itches I had for a long while….at least to sooth them. *rolling eyes* I have another blog titled "Brain Itches of a Heretic" where I would more write about those itches.
This is the baby step… When I grow up in this blogging game or if I ever grow up… I want to be like my Yoda, aka Rob Kozinets and write a blog like his – Brandthroposophy."
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